Today on the way home from a healing ritual, where I took part in something relating to my Jewish self, I realized something. Somewhere when I wasn’t looking the question of ‘Who am I?’ changed to ‘Who am I not?’
Can I answer this question without starting to philosophize? Maybe I should, it is who I am.
I investigate life, thinking, creativity, relationships, and human nature, like an artist. Yes, I am an artist. I say the obvious because I have realized lately that I always put myself in roles that undermine my freedom as a creative, communicative artist.
So, who am I? I cannot say. I can say that I have a fire in my belly about some things, that I cannot stop singing when I feel good and when I feel desperate. I cannot stop writing when I am clear about what the world is like and when I have no idea who I am and what I am doing here.
I know I cannot stop feeling encouraged when I see the human spirit overcome difficulty, pain, trauma, or separation and I cannot stop aching when I see situations where humans treat each other wrongly.
I do love the little things in life, making a cake, tickling my children, massaging my partner, watching a movie, being moved to tears by the new song of a songwriter I like. Still, I feel I am interested in seeing where we take our lives, as individuals and as a society.
I sometimes feel that I love all people and life, and sometimes I feel that I don’t belong here.
A few years ago I discovered that I didn’t want to follow the path that was laid out for me by my mother, my culture, and my religion, so I broke the agreed line and started to find my own path. It was painful and sometimes I felt I had lost everything, but I stayed on my own path as I could not breathe otherwise.
Now I feel stabilized, I accept who I am, and what my life has become. I believe that every person needs to hear their own voice. I am especially passionate about the unique power, creativity, and natural wisdom of women and girls. I have this crazy idea that if more people would follow their own paths, collectively we can achieve more than what we could individually and socially.
So what can I do? I start with myself, hoping that one day it will spread further than my family and friends and make a difference somehow. In the meantime, I shed some of my old ideas of how life should be, say goodbye to some real old fears and try to have fun. I do feel lighter than a few years ago. So maybe changing is a blessed thing.
What would I like to do?
I would like to tell a story, using voice, dance and interaction. I am interested in bringing extremes together, integrating different elements to create wholeness, using a lot of humor and honesty.
