“Everyone has a plan until they are punched in the mouth”. 😊
This a famous quote by the boxer Mike Tyson – and over the past month, it proved to be so true for me.
Perhaps you can relate … you’re making a plan to develop a program, a business, or an art…you get excited about it – but then the panic hits. That’s exactly what happened to me.
For weeks I was waking up in fear at the small hours of the morning.
Whenever that happens I always go to my studio, light a few candles, and do healing sessions with myself.
Everything showed me that I have so much fear that is so ancient that some of the sessions took me to a past life.
I asked my fearful self “what are you afraid of?”. And with every answer, I got deeper into a feeling of horror to make fatal mistakes.
“Am I afraid to make a mistake that will be fatal? That sounded dramatic and ridiculous.
Then I saw my past life as a tribal chief in the east side of North America. I was very sure of myself and against the advice of my council I gave a recommendation for the village to travel South.
It was the wrong decision😞 and a disastrous flood came over us from the mountains and half of my people died. I never recovered after that, in that lifetime.
Why am I telling you this?
Sometimes our fears are not rational and you can’t understand yourself just by observing your conscious mind. Sometimes you have to go deeper to find the roots of the problem.
I continued to do healing sessions at 4 am and realized I can’t open my heart to the tribe.
That old trauma made me close my heart to YOU, my loyal reader of these blogs.
I love you and at the same time, I am afraid to love you and make a decision or a fatal mistake. So I started to have another kind of healing with myself to allow the heart magnetic field around my heart to open. The fact is that many of us are going through a huge upgrade on our planet right now and many of us experience ascension symptoms.
What we don’t realize is that it takes the physical body a long time to adapt to the change.
So the day after my panic and healing moment, I had a lot of pain in my back around the heart and solar plexus area. My right side was just painful and I could hardly sit or lie or breathe. So I went to my osteopath who helped my body release the old and open to the new flow.
At the same time, I felt that the only way to quiet my mind is to focus on colors, and shapes and paint the different aspects of the divine feminine, as I always do.
My creativity gives me clarity. I realized that my heart was asking me to have more fun so I decided to follow my pleasure and finish some designs.
Now if you know me for a long, you may have magnets from my Illustrations, but I was looking for a way to share my creation in a way that will be practical and fun as well.
That’s why I wanted to finish the shop I once started, a long time ago. I thought it would take me a few hours, but in fact, it took me 3 weeks.
In the process, the osteopath treated me again and it was a really deep experience.
Then I got a bad cough and I got pneumonia. All of the grief of all ages just came out and I had a fever for 6 days straight.
When I was sick and miserable, I finally saw that I was releasing my grief, my people’s grief, the grief of every mother, every woman, every artist, and every good-hearted person who wanted to have a kinder world.
I released the shame and the guilt that I was actually a fearful person, hiding my heart’s desire, feeling embarrassed that I am a compulsive creative, who seems to jump from project to project all the time.
But you know what? This is what the lifetime of the tribal chief taught me;
- It’s OK to be human and make mistakes
- It’s OK to be less than perfect
- Everything eventually will come back to balance
The result of 5 weeks of pain and transformation is that I listened to my heart and now all of my plans for 2023 are amazing!!
On Wednesday November 9. I celebrate my second birthday when I came to Amsterdam and I will share with you all the exciting things I have now allowed myself to birth.
However, one question still remains:
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT TO CREATE IN THE WORLD?
Answer this question with an email to me, I want to know 😁💛