We all have experiences, ideas, or deep feelings about the concept of a good mother.
Even though it changes as we grow wiser and as we are becoming mothers or fathers ourselves, many of us carry unresolved issues around the way we were mothered.
What is your story about your mother? And how did it shape you into who you are today?
The reason I’m thinking of this topic is that I’ll be going to visit my own mother tomorrow. Together we will visit my grandmother. I will be traveling to another country and staying for a few days in my mom’s world and that used to bring up a lot of old stuff.
Years ago when I became conscious of myself, my patterns, my limitations, and my own shadow beliefs I started to understand myself and my parents, and where I come from better. I also realized my mother’s role in influencing the way I think and the way that I am. As you know, the first step of change is becoming conscious and aware of what moves and motivates us.
So when I went home I talked to my mother about my discoveries, like I do with a best friend. I said: “It’s because of you that I do that”
“You gave me the idea that I cannot do that”
“You gave me this limitation”
“You gave me the fear of that”
My mother – being the wise woman that she is – listened to me and then said: “I didn’t give it to you, you choose to take this”.
Even though I was a bit embarrassed, I had to laugh out loud. Because it is so true.
And with that realization came another insight: if I choose to take it, I can choose to release it too.
That was the beginning of becoming aware of these dynamics.
We are all in it together, creating great harmony with others or creating conflict with others. We can only control ourselves. We all get positive and negative experiences when we are born and raised, but we can also elevate our own limitations into freedom, using our conscious awareness.
That is how we grow in wisdom.
Nobody is perfect, not even a mother
Most of us complain about our mothers, some are very critical of how they raised us and don’t take into consideration that most mothers’ limitations are inherited from our family lines’ trauma like forced marriage, birth, and child loss. It exists in every culture, religion, and continent.
I found out from my own journey that we need to acknowledge what happened to women in generations of suppression in order to bring ourselves to understand and forgive. we also need to acknowledge our collective trauma.
The truth is that all people are imperfect. All humans are here to learn and experience and try to be better, wiser, and kinder.
Spiritually we know that we choose our parents. Our soul chooses our blueprint, our body, our family, and the major experiences we want to have in this magnificent dimension. All of it serves the highest good of learning, even if it’s a negative experience.
The imperfections of our parents also contribute to what we came here to learn about ourselves. For example, if we are abandoned by our fathers, we experience what love is by feeling what love is not, what is dedication, what is abandonment, and how to cope with that.
Whatever your soul mission is in the world, the parents you are born to will serve this high purpose. If they are good or not good, wealthy or poor, supportive, not supportive, It will totally serve the soul mission.
When we realize that our mothers are just human, full of their own struggles, doubt, and traumas, we can be free to forgive and have peace.
We can still give ourselves what we need.
When we are not properly loved, cared for, or respected by our mothers or our fathers, we sometimes develop painful beliefs about being not worthy or not lovable. When we acknowledge this we can transform it with our awareness and practice self-love.
It helps to connect to the highest version of the divine mother/ father in order to remind our hearts how it feels like to be loved unconditionally.
You and your mother
So what is your relationship with your mother? What kind of mother do you have?
Dalia lost her mother when she was just 5 years old and grew up idealizing her memory in response she built a beautiful family of her own with great devotion.
Frank watched his mother struggle with alcohol addiction his whole childhood and become a very loved counselor to young adults.
It’s enriching to understand the story of our own mother and our grandmothers and accept the gifts and the poisons we got from both of our family lines.
Our collective mother wound
I once worked with a 72-year-old woman who told me that her mother is still controlling her life and didn’t allow her to be who she was, then she started to rebel at a later age and become an artist.
As humans, we all have a collective mother wound. And our collective mother wound exceeds the relationship with our own mother. It is about how we as a society relate to mother earth and to all feminine elements in general, like care, gentleness, and respect for all living creatures.
After hundreds of years of patriarchy, we all went out of balance. We need a healthy mother/father relationship. But like all things the change starts with us.
So looking at our relationship with our own mother and healing it in ourselves is bringing our society into more harmony and good mental health. Just by learning to mother ourselves, to practice self-love, and kindness to others without shame and guilt and without apologies.
As we are healing our own relationship with our mothers, we can see how our relationship with our daughters and other women changes for the better.
By bringing ourselves into nurturing, caring, creating, respecting the body, respecting the blood, respecting the cycles, and respecting nature we are healing ourselves and also our collective humanity.
Ask yourself: is there anything I can forgive my mother and forgive myself for?
Write your thoughts and feelings on a piece of paper and see what is coming out of you. It can surprise you. Welcome, all feelings that come up, and let the great power of forgiveness enter your heart and mind.
Then write at least 10 times: I forgive … for …….. (fill in the blanks) as many times as you need.
Then release this paper and declaration back to nature (with fire, water, earth, or air) and if you want, please share the insights that you got by hitting ‘reply’ to this post.
Can you move into a higher level of self-mothering, patience, and self-love?
If yes, start today.
