Little Heart Bud

“If you want to live like the elite in the city then you have to obey some rules.” Says the handsome looking guy spread on the couch in a seductive position. He changes his position to delight me with his crutch.
He is ugly in my eye.
If we were in my home town my brothers would have smashed his face already for talking arrogantly filthy with a girl. But in this city, it is different.

“So what you say, do you join the game? He tells me and the girl I am with. I can see him for what he is, a bastard, and a good for nothing with a lot of power. His mother must have taught him nothing. It is true what they say, that too much power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I see that my companion is tempted. We all want to be in the video clip, especially of this great star – the name  I cannot  mention. We are all like beggars in front of the doors to the castle. We all want a chance to showcase our talent. We all want to go to the right parties in order to have a chance of getting the ticket to the big time.

I left my home town because I do have big dreams, but I also believe in following your own sacred path. I am not a rebel; never was. I listened to my parents but I also know that I can see into the horizon and see beyond what they could see. I know I am destined to do what I do: perform.
Now I have my chance after months of dancing, auditioning, and sending letters.  Here I am in a party of the industry elite. . Yet, I don’t find any talent. All of them appear like rats trying to grab what they can. The truly talented don’t waste their creative energy here.

Maybe I am too harsh, but I don’t reveal my thoughts to them nevertheless.  I am a good actress. Still, I’d rather be in my bed with a book.
“You have to do the rounds” they say.
I find most of them very cynical, very cold, and afraid to be thrown out of the IN group. However, I have a picture in my mind of a life in the performing world without having to sell your soul to the devil. But nobody in this party has a beautiful spark in their eyes; they all look wounded. Maybe I’m wrong?

I do want so desperately to have a chance to dance in this video clip, not to mention that I need the money if I want to stay in the city for few more months. Is it the only way? I have to get involved with this person?

To get an answer the guy is now speaking to the ’friend’ who brought us “I want her”.

Just like that I am suddenly a potential hooker to this guy. Very nice! My options are dwindling!
The other girl, who I just met this evening, is already giggling with another guy.
This is my most feministic nightmare. Do I have to play the stupid light-headed girl and let him touch me?

Then I feel someone pulling my skirt down.

I see a little girl of four years old, with sharp and observant eyes. “Can we go now? I don’t like it here” She says.
“No, we have to stay here.” I say, not sure if I can explain why.
“What will he do to us?” she wants to know and I feel like I’m going to throw up.
I wish I was drunk. But I don’t really drink. Don’t like to.  I think I’m the only one who can see how they are all wasted.  Literally.
“I want to find my mommy” she says restlessly.
Oh, my god. He comes toward me, his eyes red and they don’t really see me. He pulls my hand.

Suddenly I feel myself grab my little girl’s hand, my bag and head straight to the door. It happens so fast that I surprise myself. We go out to the corridor of the  fancy hotel. Go down in the stairs to the lobby. Nobody follow us. We are outside and take a taxi home.

“You’re early” says my roommate half asleep. I tell her everything.
“You are such a sucker” she tells me, “what is your problem? A bit of partying and you get the part and money to spend. Now you have to be a waitress, like me.’’

I think about my best friends back home. They would get it completely.
“You don’t understand.” I look at the little girl that has now crawled into my bed.
”I had to protect the little heart bud of someone”.

 

 

 

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